If intelligence turns you on, you might be a sapiosexual

The word “sapio” is derived from the Latin word “sapere”, which means to be wise. The idea of ​​being attracted to someone’s mind rather than their body is not a new concept in the field of romantic relationships. From an evolutionary standpoint, being in a relationship with an intelligent person has certain advantages, such as potentially higher socioeconomic status or hereditary advantages for your descendants. But for the sapiosexual, intelligence itself is the real “switch”. This is the key on its own, without any additional benefits.

An IQ test does not describe the parameters that sapiosexuals emotionally seek in potential mates. For the sapiosexual, intelligence is not a number. The ability for a person to have unique, incisive, deep and curious conversations is very appealing. As a sapiosexual, you can also be physically attracted to someone, but if you later find out that the other person lacks curiosity, intellectual rigor, and open-mindedness, these things can be decisive. When a person shows a general lack of awareness of the world, you can quickly feel disappointed and lose interest.

What does it feel like when a sapiosexual meets “his people”?

Sometimes a sapiosexual will want to test their own limits by becoming sexually intimate with someone who doesn’t really attract them to their heart, but they will soon see that the relationship is not viable. Sapiosexuals who know each other well would say they are skeptical about investing in a relationship unless they know they can have many good conversations with the other person. In an ideal scenario, their life partner would be their intellectual equal.

The attraction to your intellectual peer can even be intuitive and bypass your awareness. This is especially true if you have not yet made your own gifts. For example, you may have found yourself drawn to particular people without knowing why, only to later realize that it is because you have subconsciously detected subtle signs of their intelligence. The qualities you are looking for can manifest in many obvious and less obvious ways, such as their humor and thoughtfulness.

When you finally meet someone who is your intellectual equal, your immediate feeling will be a sense of relief, followed by excitement, hope, and anxiety. You may also suddenly feel insecure and needy, as the possibility of intimacy has triggered your attachment system to activate.

You may marvel with excitement when you realize that the person in front of you doesn’t find your whims “too weird”. They don’t see being a “geek” or a “nerd” as something negative; they too identify as one. They revel in your humor and return the favor with a joke that only a few people would understand. Your conversation is energizing; you can constantly interrupt yourself in excitement.

You can talk about a wide range of topics, from politics to science to pop culture. You don’t feel the need to change or dilute your message. You are not afraid to express an opinion, to take a stand, to pass a critical judgment. You don’t worry that they will see your natural arousal as “overkill,” or your “quiet confidence” as “arrogance.”

“Finally, someone understands! ” With this reassuring realization, you will feel liberated to open up and reveal more parts of yourself. Ideally, through such an exchange, you can gradually heal from the injury of being called “too”.

If you are a sapiosexual, the brain is indeed the largest sexual organ. When a person starts to share unique ideas on a topic, your whole body excitement goes to the next level. You love to listen to a person’s deepest ideas and wildest dreams. You are mesmerized when you hear someone speak knowingly and with passion. If they logically contradict your beliefs or teach you something new, you find it appealing. When two intense sapiosexuals come together, their shared desire for brain stimulation becomes an integral part of the emotional bond.

Is sapiosexuality misunderstood?

Today, dating is largely defined by the phenomenon of “swiping left or right”. A sapiosexual can feel lonely and lost in such a dating environment because he values ​​intellect and communication more than appearance and wants to spend time getting to know a person before evaluating. the possibility of a relationship. You tend to seek uniqueness in your dating experience. Rather than doing what the rest of the world is crazy about, you might prefer to have the quirky experience. Instead of dining in popular cafes or going to loud concerts, you would rather visit a quiet restaurant where you can have a good conversation or visit small concert halls. You can value communication and the business more than the activity itself.

While intellect is most important to you, that doesn’t mean that other qualities aren’t important. Long-term relationships require a multitude of compatible attributes, including physical attraction. It is not easy to find a person who is compatible with you intellectually and also emotionally, sexually and romantically.

It can also be difficult to explain your expectations to your family, friends or potential partners. You may have been told that your standards are too high or that you have to compromise. Having had an emotionally tumultuous experience on the scene of successive dating or short-term relationships can also leave you lost and confused.


If you’ve been disappointed and criticized repeatedly, you may start to doubt yourself. You can look at your peers and wish your path to romance was easier. You may start to wonder if there is really something wrong with you or if your standards are too high. You may have been tempted, over and over again, to give up your true desire and settle for something more normative.

However, if you hide, distort the presentation of who you are, or succumb to societal norms, those who seek you will not be able to see you, and you may miss the opportunity to have a lasting and fulfilling relationship with someone. one who is equally interested in your soul.

Being a sapiosexual doesn’t make you ‘arrogant’ or ‘unrealistic’. Although this comes with difficulties, it should not lead to despair or loneliness. It is a preference or an orientation; it is not to you that attracts you.

The best thing you can do, realizing who you really are, is embrace it and make the most of it. Remember: Even if you are in the minority, those you are looking for are also looking for you.

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